WWE Monday Night RAW Review (9/6/2021) by Anthony S. DiSalvatore
This is the last Monday before the football season starts again, so hopefully, tonight’s episode will be worth watching! Tonight’s episode comes to you from Miami. The program opens with the brand new tag team champions, Randy Orton and Matt Riddle. Last week, they defended the belts against Bobby Lashley and MVP and came out on top. Left with no other options, there will be a battle royal tonight to determine their next challengers. Bobby Lashley and MVP show up and MVP tells Riddle to shut up in Spanish, which gets a cheer from the crowd. I think they might be getting tired of Riddle’s schtick, but they like Randy Orton. Bobby wants to fight Randy Orton after he took the RKO last week. Randy accepts, but only if he can fight Bobby for the belt! The match will take place at Extreme Rules in a few weeks.
Tag Team Turmoil!
My mistake, this won’t be a battle royal. It’s a tag team gauntlet match! The first two teams in this match are New Day and the Vikings. It’s been a while since Kofi was in the ring and he looks rusty. The Vikings have been on a tear lately! Kofi starts this match and takes all the heat for several minutes. Woods tags in and does a headscissors to the bald Viking, then eats a suplex. Woods does a slingshot DDT. They trade punches, then Kofi tags in and goes for a dive. The Vikings make the fair catch, then toss Kofi into Woods. Awesome! After a commercial, Kofi’s setting up for his spin kick. The Vikings foil him and do a sweet combination suplex and slingshot clothesline, but Kofi still kicks out. This is ridiculous! Ivar does a top rope splash on Woods for another two count. Woods beats Ivar with a rollup. STUPID!
Jinder Mahal and his men are up next, but their entrance gets interrupted by a dive from New Day. Woods almost gets the quick win after a diving crossbody, but Jinder’s able to kick out. Woods gets nailed with a stiff body block from Jinder’s partner, and he needs some time to recover. Time for another commercial! When we return, Jinder’s in total control of Woods. Kofi tags in and Jinder gets double teamed with a backbreaker and diving stomp for the win. I hate Kofi so much.
Up next is Lucha House Party. I thought these guys got fired! After two full-length matches already, New Day can’t have much left. Lince Dorado comes off the top rope, but Woods is able to block it with his knees. Woods comes down hard on the back of his head, so both guys are equally hurt by that move. Kofi tags in and does a frog splash across Metalik’s back for a close two count. The luchadors give Xavier a barrage of moonsaults. This should be over, but Kofi shows up AGAIN to make the save. DAMN! Xavier gives Lince a rolling facebuster for the win and this match will continue.
Up next is Mace and T-Bar. Though I’ve had issues with T-Bar in the past, I admit he’s a good athlete. I want him to crush both of these guys by himself, even though his presentation sucks ass. Another commercial break! Mace is in first and he’s wearing ass shorts. How unfortunate. This match has lasted for around half an hour and poor Xavier has taken most of the heat so far. He’s excellent, but I can’t stand Kofi. My old friend T-Bar tags in and continues to unload on Woods. T-Bar sets up for his cool torture rack and knee lift, but Woods blocks it and wins with a rollup! Mace and T-Bar just say fuck it and keep beating New Day down.
Mansoor and Mustafa Ali are up next, but Mansoor’s not willing to let this beatdown go. The kid just never learns. Mustafa even tries to talk him out of it, but it doesn’t work. Mustafa gets tossed into the ringpost and Mansoor gets smashed with some stairs. Kofi gets lawn darted into the stairs, just like Kevin Nash did to Rey Mysterio in WCW that one time. Xavier gets double chokeslammed into the ringpost, then Sonya and Adam Pearce show up and tell them to disperse. T-Bar did his awesome spinning big boot again! I like that move. After this beatdown, the officials have decided to continue this match at a later time. That’s bullshit! No breaks!
Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus
This match should be awesome. After being both partners and opponents for many years, both these guys know each other like the back of their hands. It’ll take something unexpected for one of them to win. Whoever wins will fight Damian Priest for the United States title! Last week, there was a triple threat match featuring the three, where Priest won by pinning McIntyre. He just can’t catch a break! How much more will he take before he inevitably goes off the deep end? Sheamus wants a handshake, but Drew rejects it. Oh damn!
Drew has control in the beginning before Sheamus starts clubbing him in the chest. Drew’s able to power out and does some chest clubs of his own. Drew goes to the floor, and Sheamus follows with a diving clothesline from the top rope! Sheamus enters the ring again and gets dropped with a spinebuster. Drew goes to the top rope, but Sheamus is there to meet him instead. Drew tries to suplex Sheamus to the floor, which will surely kill them both, but Sheamus gives Drew a top rope suplex instead! Wow! Both guys start throwing hands, then Drew sets up for his comeback. Clotheslines, suplexes, and a jumping neckbreaker. Sheamus goes to the top rope once again, but Drew gives him a suplex for a two-count.
Drew goes for the Future Shock, but Sheamus blocks it and gives him a headbutt instead. He’s still using that steel face mask for the broken nose he got months ago. I’m not a doctor, but he should be healed by now. Sheamus sets up for his own Claymore, but Drew blocks it and gives him a Future Shock for a two count. Drew rams Sheamus’s arm into the ringpost, then puts on a keylock. Surprising, but he has to pull out a new move to beat a guy who knows him so well. Sheamus gets the rope break, but his arm’s a mess. Drew comes off the ropes again, but misses and eats a huge pump kick for a close near fall. Both guys are on their knees and Drew rips Sheamus’s mask off. Drew sets up for the Claymore, but Sheamus sees it coming and wins with a rollup! YES! After the match, Drew lays Sheamus out with his own mask, then Claymores him anyway. Boom! But Drew is clearly pissed. It doesn’t look like he can take much more of this.
Karrion Kross vs. John Morrison
Not sure why this match is happening, but it shouldn’t take long. Kross opens with a sweet judo-style hip toss, then slaps on his chokehold. John gets to the ropes, then sprays Kross with his squirt gun. Kross responds by hucking John over the ropes all the way to the floor. He’s done! Kross puts on his chokehold and this match is over. Kross’s new sex mask may be silly, but he’s been killing it lately. Just forget about his loss to Jeff Hardy a few weeks ago. If you ignore that, he’s looked awesome.
Tag Team Turmoil Continues
When we last left this match, New Day had just beaten Mace and T-Bar. They’re about four opponents in now, but they’ve had about an hour to rest. Wimps! Just fight for an hour! Ric Flair would be ashamed. Mansoor and Mustafa Ali will be their next opponents. Mansoor and Kofi open this match. Mansoor is still relatively new at this, but Kofi is totally tired still from earlier. Kofi comes off the ropes, but Mustafa low bridges him and he crashes to the floor. That was a bad landing! Woods tags in and almost takes a Doomsday Device, but he’s able to avoid it after a miscommunication on the part of Mansoor. He’s still learning. Woods is hurt and Mustafa implores Mansoor to keep pouring it on, but Mansoor hesitates. He’s a good kid. Mustafa tags in to handle this himself. Kofi goes for a spin kick, but Mustafa’s able to block it! He goes for a 450 splash, but he misses and eats the spin kick after all. Woods flies in with an awesome elbow drop for the win. What a bummer! Mansoor’s gonna figure this out soon enough.
Up next is the team of AJ Styles and Omos. This shouldn’t last long! They beat New Day for the belts months ago easily, and that was while they were both totally fine! This match goes about as well for New Day as you’d expect. In case you’re a new reader, Omos is about eleven feet tall and won’t have any trouble wrecking both of these guys. AJ STILL insists on starting this match himself, even though he has a behemoth as an associate. This makes no sense! Omos finally tags and stands on Woods. He’s got to be at least 400 pounds. This just isn’t fair, but I love it. Let’s see them throw pancakes now! AJ’s more than happy to tag in at this point, but why not just let Omos finish this himself? After a few more minutes, Omos and Kofi tag in. Kofi goes for another big jump, but he gets dropped with a single punch. Omos’s fists are like concrete!
After what I hope is the final break, this match is still going somehow. Kofi gives AJ his spin kick, but Omos is there to break it up and Kofi gets double teamed after Woods is thrown from the ring. With eight minutes left, there’s a surprise entry! It’s Bobby Lashley and MVP, who were added by request of the champion. When you’ve been champ as long as Bobby has, you have the stroke to insert yourself into certain matches. The crowd is totally behind MVP. We’re in his hometown! He tags out to Bobby instead, because he’s smarter than AJ Styles. Bobby walks the dog on AJ like he does to everyone else. I’d like to see him try that against Omos! Omos promptly tags in and the crowd explodes!
Bobby wants a test of strength and Omos obliges. The crowd is cheering for Bobby, who starts hitting Omos low. Bobby sets up for a massive suplex, but Omos counters with a suplex of his own. Damn! Bobby may have finally met his match after all this time! Bobby gets tossed from the ring and lands at the feet of Randy Orton, who’s been there the whole time along with Matt Riddle. AJ does a cross body off the announce table and nails Orton in the process. Omos tosses Riddle into the barricade wall. Meanwhile, Styles sets up for a flying forearm smash and Bobby moves. He spears AJ and gets the win! With this win, Bobby and MVP will challenge for the tag team titles once again after losing last week. In addition to this, Randy Orton will fight him for the world championship at Extreme Rules! Will they have a winner take all tag team match? I haven’t seen that since the mid-90s! After the match, Omos lays Lashley out with a chokeslam. He gets back up and looks pissed, but gets dropped with an RKO once again! This was a pretty good show, mostly because they ignored the bullshit and stuck to wrestling. There was still the obligatory segment featuring Alexa Bliss, but I skipped it because I have standards. I’m interested to see what’s next for Lashley and Orton, as well as Sheamus and Drew McIntyre. Those guys should definitely team up!